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I don't even feel like I'm alive anymore. I don't understand the way I behave, it's irrational in the eyes of any normal human being. I can't explain anything that I think or feel either, even in writing. I have no friends, been this way for years and it would be an impossible feat to make and keep friends, not to mention connect with another person. I don't even try anymore. I'm not depressed, everything just feels completely numb. Yet at the same time I know something quite awful has become of my life. I think I've completely lost myself, and given up hope. Nothing is real.