I usually never speak up in any topic and my social anxiety grew to such an extent that i can no longer chat online. I rarely go out. I can't even say hello to anybody irl and i just look down and pass by as fast as i can so familiar faces do not recognise me. I can't have conversations with family members either (An "ok",nod,"hello" is all i can do). I feel like i don't have any connections with humans and i'm being like this since the day i was born. I never had a friend or somebody i could freely talk to. Khv, not even holding hands or talking (the best i could say to a female is a "hello").I spend my days watching anime and i'm deluding myself with the thought of "tomorrow will be different", but never does actually come true. I wonder about heroing out, but i'm too much of a pussy to actually do that.
I post this to see if i can actually get my message out.
This is mainly a combination of a mental block and not having practice. You should go out and try to practice your social skills. Find one of your interests, then find a location where other people with those interests congregate. Come up with a list of things you could talk about. Approach someone and have them share what they like about the hobby and then follow up with adding what you like about it. If they do not want to talk to you, do not take it as an insult. Some people are busy or do not like talking to other people. You win some, you lose some. If you keep trying this eventually you should get a win or at least have some conversations. This stuff takes practice, and if you do not even give a solid attempt you will never get better.
>>17926 What this person said. If your social skill need improvement, you can always go somewhere, like a public library, and ask the librarian simple questions to strike up a conversation that is harmless but related to what they do. For example, go check out the magazine section and see what types of magazines they have and if you see one that you'd like that's missing, you could ask about what types of magazines are popular and how the process for picking magazine subscriptions works at the library. Some people will say to talk to cashiers while you're out, but this may not always work because they are usually trying to service as many people as quickly as possible.
>>17926 >>17928 Thats actually a bad idea. I take it that OPs social skills are complete shit. Actually putting himself out like that and then (very likely) fucking it up will only create negative reinforcement and worsen his situation.
I recommend starting slow. Tor is a very good start. Just engage with people a lot and dont be afraid of fucking it up, because nobody will ever connect it to you. Then go somewhere you have an identity and try it there. Then use your actual identity somewhere and then you might be ready for some irl.
Also get some books on bettering your social skills. I know it sounds counter-intuitive and like the exact opposite of what you should be doing but considering the absolute trap youve gotten yourself into it really is better than nothing.
Also dont talk to fucking cashiers, they are surrounded by way too many people their entire shift and the last thing they want is somebody eating up the last remnants of their energy
If your identity is playing tricks on you, scrap your identityNanonymousNo.17931[D][U][F]
>>17923 I was in a very similar situation some years ago, although I was mostly fine talking with my family.
Something that I undertstood about social anxiety is that what fuck you up is overthinking, whenever I tried to talk with someone I always used to worry about what they were thinking about me, if I was saying the right thing, if I was fucking up something, making mistakes with other people terrorized me and hurt me so I tended to start avoiding others. I don't know if you can relate to this, anyway the way out of it is to force your brain to stop caring about it, this is extremely hard to do and requires time and practive, but it's possible if you have a practice ground, as >>17929 a very good practice ground can be anonymous imageboards, even better tor-only ones.
When you are anonymous you don't have to care about what other think about you, you don't have to care about saying the right thing, you can just say what you want and even if you fuck it up next post you are a completely different person.
You can start anonymous, then you can try using a soft identity(namefagging, avatarfagging) when you feel comfortable enough, then you can switch to something like online videogames where you can have an identity but you can roleplay as a character if you want, finally chats and then real life.
Just be careful to not get stuck in the process, none of this stuff is substitute for human relationships.
Good luck fren.
>>17926 >>17928 >just go out and talk to people
Did you read OP? He said that he has enough social anxiety to not even be able to chat online, whar makes you think that he can do it IRL?
You don't you how bad social anxiety can be.
Try going to RandomChat (http://tetatl6umgbmtv27.onion)
and just try to talk to people. If you screw up, there are pretty much no consequences. Just try it OP.
>I spend my days watching anime and i'm deluding myself with the thought of "tomorrow will be different", but never does actually come true. I wonder about heroing out, but i'm too much of a pussy to actually do that.
I am exactly the same fellow lainposter. Do you also feel tired all the time despite the fact that you are not working at all?
Stopped reading at social anxiety
You into rpgs faggot? Dealing with people is like your speech-craft skill, right now you got zero stats in that bitch because you didn't grind yet. Idk what your line of work is or if you're a neet because I didn't read your self-loathing blogpost but get a shit-tier retail job right now. You're not going to start liking people, but trust me you will learn to deal with them. Trust me bro, I used to be dropping my spaghetti allover the place but after like 2 weeks of dealing with people you level up so quickly.
> inb4 waaaa you don't get it I have disorder
No you don't asshole, stop being a girl. You're just really self-critical (spoiler alert; if you dont like yourself become a person that you would like), when you talk with people your brain is flooded with a bunch of bs and you often miss what people said because you were thinking too much. This goes away with practice, you will eventually figure out that strangers don't care about eachother much and you are wasting resources on analyzing the social situation you are in.
I am sorry for my harsh words, it's just because I've been in your position and after getting out I wish I could go back in time and punch myself in the face for wasting so many years being scared of everything. Yes I know how fucked you are right now but the only way you will make it through this is with willpower and just manning the fuck up. You will fail spectacularly and will feel massive embarrassment, ashamed of yourself even. You need to learn the lesson that nobody cares about you, they care about themselves. You will not learn this on the internet.
>>17929 >start with making internet friends that have a tendency to drop their identities or otherwise vanish
Lol now THIS is bad advice, OP needs to learn to live in the real world. If OP is a hikkineet imagine how upset he'd be if his one internet friend vanishes for opsec reasons.
OP is a man, and as such should take this problem head on with all he's got. Godspeed you autistic waste of space.
>>17948 <social anxiety? pfff what is that, just man up and talk to people, how hard is that, right?
I too was in this situation and anonymous imageboards were the first step out. You are very fortunate that youve managed to pull yourself out like that but im almost certain that back in the day i couldnt do it. Op is suspiciously silent though, i wonder what is he up to.
>>17949 Now that you're out you realize that you were just being a massive faggot the whole time, correct? After getting over it I refuse to think of it as a "mental disorder", it's just a natural response to being a shut-in or other external factors. There is no point in babying someone in this position, they need to get out there and fail until they level up.
>imageboards were a step out
How? This isn't social interaction, and the opinions you can express here is nothing like real life. The hardest thing about real life is figuring out how and what to self-censor
>17950
>How?
First you have to get the courage to talk at all before you can start to wonder what exactly is it you are gonna say. It is a social interaction, albeit a rather de-boned one.
> Now that you're out you realize that you were just being a massive faggot the whole time, correct?
I dont. I wasnt always like that. I remember that as a small child i was pretty outgoing - it took me negative experience after negative experience (since my social skill were pretty shit since the beginning) to become like that. Also its not gone. Its always with me, every time i have to talk to people i feel like as if i were standing on an edge of a cliff, just lost balance and about to fall. Ive only learned to deal with it. I understand that its an irrational fear i try to ignore it with varying success.
Considering that there was a time i wasnt even able to leave an anonymous comment on the internet, it feels like ive came a long way, though there is still room for improvement. I am at the irl stage i can tell you that the years of variously anonymous interactions definitely do help, and they help a lot.
Anyways thats how i deal with it, maybe it really is better for OP to go with your way, though i highly doubt that. As i said, when he inevitably fucks up, it will create negative reinforcement and bury him even deeper. Its not a skill you could learn by continually failing without consequences. Even if you look past the emotional damage, there is only a finite amount of people in ops area and it wont take him very long to become the local weirdo.
>>17948 >hurr durr social anxiety is not real
If you think it's not real it means you never had it. Consider the following experience I had from lot of years ago:
>like a qt 3.14 that i see everyday
>want to try to talk to her
>try everyday to get close to her to talk
>my body refuses to go closer than 5 meters from her
>going near her it's like trying to force my body to jump off a cliff
>after coutless tries i make the leap
>i am a 1 meter away from her
>she is turned the other direction and didn't notice me
>i try to say "hello"
>my brain forgets how to produce language
>some unintelligible sound comes out
>she turns around and says "hello"
>every single muscle in my body tenses up
>my brain stops functioning
>i stare at her in silence for a couple of seconds
>i repeat "hello"
>it's fucking anwkard
>i can tell she's weirded out
>i panic
>instincts take over
>body is screaming that i have to run away
>this girl is a danger to my life and i have to run
>i know that if i run it's gonna be super weird
>the shame of imagining the consequences keeps me in place for another couple of seconds
>she says "are you ok?"
>i run away
Fuck you with that man up bullshit, you are asking OP to go though torture basically, and for nothing, what could anybody learn from such an exchange?
It's only gonna make you hate yourself more and now I can't talk to that girl anymore cause I will never win the anxiety of getting close to her again with what happened, now I have to actively avoid her.
>You into rpgs faggot? Dealing with people is like your speech-craft skill
You don't go after the final boss when you are level 0 in an rpg or you get rekt, you first practice on easier mobs and farm exp, or in other words first anonymous imageboards, etc.
>>17950 >Now that you're out you realize that you were just being a massive faggot the whole time, correct?
It's just how I was born, I always been like that since I was a kid, then slowly through the process I described before I slowly became a somewhat functioning human being. It took me at least 5 years.
>>17955 I get everything you're saying but I detest this idk soft(?) take you have on it. For me I got angry at myself, very angry and I finally had enough and said fuck it I'm not going to be like this anymore. I drop spaghettis constantly, still don't really have friends and I'm still quiet as fuck, the difference is that I force myself to do things that I don't want to do. This is what it means to "man up", you just gotta do what you gotta do despite your feelings (feelings are for women)
I've had many experiences like your story, the thing that has helped me the most is realizing that I'm being a faggot in situations like that. Rejecting the idea that you are (((disordered))) is the first step to recovery, are you seriously going to suggest that OP asks his doctor for drugs to fix this? OP needs to internalize bullying so he has a little voice in his head calling him a pussy every time he tries to hide away. This is what I do and it is very effective, although you are correct that it takes a lot of time to get over the brain freeze kind of thing. Yeah, he's never going to be some chad who can hold conversations with everyone, he just needs to figure out how to superficially get along with people so he can function in society.
>go through torture
Yes, no shit buddy. How to learn any skill is to throw yourself in the deep end, every time you fail you learn something.
>practice on easy mobs to farm exp
Fucking noob-tier, you go straight for the boss fight despite your shitty equipment and wing it. Once you kill that fucker you will level up so many times you'll be glad you didn't waste time farming slimes or whatever. Telling him to practice by making friends online is stupid, he isn't trying to make friends, he's trying to be able to larp as a human so he can get a job or whatever.
You'll need to be comfortable around people first before trying trying to to develop an advanced relationship with someone else.
Try steps in this order:
*being around strangers
*around familiar people
*acquaintances; familiar people you talk to, but are not friends
*friend(s); can have more honest conversations with these people
*romantic partner
As mentioned by others, don't expect everything to always work. You will fail, and you'll learn from it. Ruminating about bad outcomes will cause you to stagnate, which is worse than failing. When you fail, you learn and move on.
Just don't develop a criminal record or become an addict and you'll be able to move on.
>>17957 >start on imageboards
Probably bad advice. Computers simulate interaction and the nature of curated content, or echo chambers on any internet platform like Imageboards make this worse by giving you false expectations of the public. This will train you for wrong social scenarios and could addict many users to fake internet interaction through this 'skinnerbox' mechanic.
>>17958 You're forgetting the reason children at one time did get out and play is to build social skills and learn to negotiate with others. We all start somewhere.
Modern society has destroyed this and made us soylent consoomers.
>>17963 >When you fail, you learn and move on.
Here's the king the knows. The only thing I would add is to make sure some scenarios won't absolutely destroy you because you didn't prepare for them. Basic social interaction won't do this though.
>>17966 >Thank you
Don't be gay. Women should be easier to talk to because of their lower IQs and occurrence to rely on male presence and agency to fulfill their biological purpose.
>says he's a hopeless withdrawn neet
>hasn't watched "Welcome to the NHK" and figured it out
You can leave your room and still not talk to people, and it's healthier because you're outside.
>>18028 >at my times younglings were energic young fellas, not like these modern kids complaining about mental illness and watching mow chinese cartoons all day!
Typical boomer poster.
How do you become conscious about bullshit other people say? How do you deal with verbal attacks indirectly targeting you when you don't identify yourself as its target? How do you hurt people you don't give a fuck about?
How do you hurt people?
>>18086 >How do you hurt people?
Converse. Forming debate gives you preponderance, heeding doesn't. In order to hurt somebody you must sense first.
>bullshit
Conversing is you forwhy you can make conversation fragrant, never dems. And you being reserved and detached.
>How do you become conscious about bullshit other people say?
There are different layers to what people say, autists only pick up on the very outer layer. People say things with their body language, how they say it, or use in-group knowledge to communicate with ambiguities. There are other forms of more advance communication, some people will naturally pickup on these, high EQ, others will need to be informed, autists.
>How do you deal with verbal attacks indirectly targeting you when you don't identify yourself as its target?
It depends. You can join in and see how far it goes, you can re-direct it, do nothing, there are a few options.
>How do you hurt people you don't give a fuck about?
Physically or emotionally?
>How do you hurt people?
Why do you want to hurt people?
>>18089 >People say things with their body language, how they say it, or use in-group knowledge to communicate with ambiguities. There are other forms of more advance communication, some people will naturally pickup on these, high EQ
he
>Physically or emotionally?
emotionally
>Why do you want to hurt people?
mirror
I post this to see if i can actually get my message out.