>>178869
Chanchan I know you don't actually want me dead. I've been a bastard but I haven't done anything that should make you want me dead... I haven't tried to anyway. I never wanted you to want me dead.

And one of the last things you said to me privately was that you worry sorry for saying stuff like that, and that's what I choose to hold onto. So any heinous shit you say at me I have to assume is coming from a place of hurt.

I know I can't be the only cause of it. But blaming it all on me isn't going to make things better either. You don't have to soldier on alone.