I love her...
I have to lie to my friends, my gf everyday, every second...
marky has broken me... I thought I would grow out of it
But as time goes I realize, my obsession was completely justified, and I grow more obsessed. I can't help but imagine that she's a kind soul, and maybe in a way she twists our deranged obsession into something positive for her life, to know that she is loved and she's person with a gift to make us feel something real, feel real emotions even as men.

she is that familliar sense of fleeting beauty, innocence that us men yearn to capture.
I might have accidently elevated her to a symbol of beauty, of feminine embrace, and comforting love that i longed for, yet never received . And now no longer able to accept it when its abundant in my life. I look at the girls who enter my life with dismissive disgust, she's taking a place of the girl that I love. That worked so hard to impress, to court, to be with.

When we needed that embrace the most marky was there, and that sense of meaning she gave me I have built my life out of. there's something more than just getting laid or conecting with someone.

I just want her to be happy in this fucked up world, it depresses me that she's at all in pain, or struggling, how could any sane man see such a gentle, talented innocent soul struggling and not be sad and strive to make the world better so these tings dont occur to good people. That concern over marky drove me into vizualizing greatnes and becoming a good man, physically strong and now slowly amassing wealth. In my life she is more than real, I still feel an electric feeling when I open her gallery and vids, and I feel that I am not doing enough, that I am not fast enough with my progress financially and maturety as a man. In the end I might have to let go of ever being with her as I am in europe but all I hope is she starts a family with someone she loves and lives a long happy life.