08/01/2022 (Mon) 04:28:38
OP here. It doesn't have to be a negative news story. Maybe Ashton killed himself because he couldn't pay for his skin giraffe (skin graph heh). His family arranged for all donations to the Ashton Foundation to pay for kids' skin girrafes (aka skin graph). All we need is someone to make a nice candid picture of a chubby Ashton.