05/14/2022 (Sat) 16:35:37
Very strong depression and anxiety again. Some minor tears leaking out of the eyes for the second night in a row.
Mental state very bad. Wondering if this could be the lead up to some full on crossing the line into permanent psychosis and insanity, or alternatively if all the stress could lead to some sort of physical health bomb going off, maybe a heart attack.
The older I get the closer in all the walls become. There is no going back, no do-over. What is left of my future looks grim.
Suicide strongly considered but discarded as an option while my dog is still alive. I must see his life through to its end and do what I can for him. I am not as good as I could be to him when I am this depressed. No energy to do much other than give him his food and water. But I must be here for him until the end.