I come from a poor family so they're never eager to waste food, which is fine. But when they constantly (I mean at least twice a week) say stuff like "it makes a turd" when it comes to eating food they may not like, I want to grind my teeth into dust.

Yes, it makes a fucking turd. Shut the fuck up, you don't have to announce your basic understanding of human biology and the nature of your turd hole at the dinner table.