>>69392
Years of trial and error in rebuilding foundations.
Human nature, morals, first principles, interpersonal and intergroup dynamics, politics.
And giving it at least a few months run after each update.
Two steps ahead, one back, one to the side, one step ahead, tree back.
Until it started clicking more resoundingly and more often.
And realizing in my mid-thirites that there was this moderate high functioning autism kicker that made me know and understand stuff very quick but being unable to integrate it without going through it, like a dog that needs to have its nose sticked in his shit to get it.
And booze. The hour of predrunk state and next day hangover clarity were instrumental in unlocking the port to core mind that otherwise needed this nose sticked in shit trial.

Now it feels a bit like in high school although you're very aware of your finitude but you have a whole life of experience behind you and still a pretty decent number of years to enjoy before it inevitably goes down.