Andrew Clay Silverstein’s comedic attempts are a barren wasteland of creative bankruptcy, a relentless regurgitation of the same boring, charmless persona that had already fossilized by the time he first stumbled onto a stage. You've never heard of him? Of course, because he went by Andrew Dice Clay to hide the fact he's a Jew. His so-called stand-up is little more than a monotonous assault of witless drivel, delivered with all the finesse of a baseball bat to the skull, relying not on humor, but on sheer volume and aggression, as if shouting could somehow conjure laughter where none was earned. His entire act is an unconvincing masquerade, an exaggerated Italian-ZOG tough-guy caricature draped over a Jew from Brooklyn, a transparent testament to his utter lack of originality in substituting genuine talent with lazy bravado. Whether on stage or screen, he simply played the same tired, leather-clad, sneering tough guy regardless of role or context. As all Jews, Dice is one-dimensional with zero range.

His cinematic endeavors are a chronicle of failure, each role a carbon copy of the last, each performance a broken record repetition of the last. From his debut as Tony Schlongini in Wacko as a greasy, charmless high school brute whose presence was as subtle as a brick through a windshield, to his cameo in Pretty in Pink where he managed to be the most insufferable 'actor' in a mere five seconds of screen time. Clay has proven, time and again, that his range begins and ends with the same tiresome fake Italian persona. Even in The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, his desperate attempt at leading-man status, he merely stretched his stand-up persona to feature length, resulting in a not even spectacular explosion of bullshit. His television appearances are no less disastrous. Whether scowling his way through Crime Story as a mobster with all the menace of a disgruntled deli owner, or polluting Rugrats with his grating voice work as a plumber, he has consistently demonstrated an uncanny ability to drain any project of its vitality. His "tough guy" plumber character in Rugrats was just his usual act in animated form, and it clashed horribly with the show’s tone. The fact that he was allowed near a kids’ series is a crime against childhood. His sitcom ventures, Bless This House and Hitz, were desperate attempts to repackage his abrasive persona as something palatable for mainstream audiences, and both were rightfully buried in the cultural landfill where they belonged.

As Albert in The Good Life, Clay played a sleazy bar owner, and his performance was as lazy as the film’s script. He didn’t even attempt to act, just recycled his usual loudmouth routine. His cameo in Dharma & Greg was nothing more than a desperate attempt to stay relevant by leeching off an already annoying show popular with stupid bored housewives who would watch any trash (like The View). His appearance consisted of the same hacky jokes that were stale a decade ago, proving he had no new material. As Dave Menardi in Whatever It Takes, Clay played a washed-up comedian and the irony of him portraying a has-been is in fact his best role yet. A role that was perfectly type cast for the comedy reject failure that he was. As El Dorado Ron in Foolish, Clay’s role as a washed-up nightclub owner proved that Hollywood was realizing exactly what he was perfect for portraying. Has-beens. But the movie was a flop because as usual because Clay’s presence is like a curse, ensuring no one with functioning brain cells would ever enjoy his tendency to beat a dead horse year after agonizing year. Dice finally began to move past the 'Look at me, I'm an Italian tough guy!' crap when he began by portraying Andrew Clay Silverstein in Chicken Soup for the Soul, admitting once and for all that he's a Jew. (continued)