>>5928
Idk, I'm as lucid as ever though admittedly having strong and volatile emotions, which I could try to control but imo they're cathartic and useful in the long term. I'm more afraid of ossification than of being in pain for a while

I've done drugs but not thaaaat many, never had a negative reaction other than one bad """lsd""" trip reminiscent of this that forced me to face the extent of my loneliness and distance from other people, years ago. It resolved when the lsd wore off and I did lsd a few times after that with no problems. I became more distant after that bad trip. No drugs other than pot for more than a year now. (I tried DMT but it was defective, burnt poorly or something because it did almost nothing to me and others who tried it)

I smoke *a lot* of pot everyday but it has no noticeable negative effects other than the usual laziness + minor paranoia. Haven't smoked in the past 2 days beyond a bit with my "friend" and one minuscule roach today, it's very weak pot so I noticed practically no effects anyway. The nightmares might be gone at this point, I haven't slept lucid in ages (I think it takes a few months of abstinence to regain that after heavy cannabis use? Dreams are gone now even if I don't smoke that day so idk)

I certainly could use some help (this thread is indeed called "Please help me") but when people say that they usually mean something else, "you're not seeing reality clearly so you need someone else to override your will or you're going to harm yourself even if you try to do the opposite"

I don't feel I'm there and there's like half a person at most I could trust with something like that.

No offense taken, and I grant that I'm not in a good place now but would appreciate you trying to explain further. Many people have been accusing me of madness because of how I write or what I say my whole life, even when I'm doing really well, what you noticed is probably just that + intense emotion.