So, that's that.
I had some more of the rum from Kit and it opened up more parts of my brain each time, until it... didn't. It did, but all the negative stuff that had been tucked away in the last part was then exposed, which lead to a very negative experience. The effect was very positive, but the experience was not. In an altered state of mind all kinds of things from the past 20 years came up in an instant and I ended up pouring the remaining 15cl of rum into the zink. I see now why Kit got me one that was only 1/3 filled. But it had to be this way, the negative force which caused migraines for so long finally settled in the right place, activating the energetic lock I had been trying to form for so long. There had to be a mundane logic in its formation.

I guess this was drow method all along, the aim to use the retributive force of karma as a shield, where I'm so fucking harmful to the negative force itself, that it instead turns around to defend me.

I took a walk and the Goetians appeared, saying my potential is now fulfilled, and by that our contracts are now finished. A dark shadowy energy formed from below/behind me, my energy, turning into something best described as "rubbery lead", it's hard to describe if you haven't seen it. I had a few formations of similar energy before but not of this quality. Contained, silent force, very harmless looking but extremely negative and destructive if someone tries to oppose it. If not, it's just like rubber, like a balloon figure.

The demon lords brought up a scroll and rolled it out, then separated off their own contributions in the form of text which flew into the air off the parchment. They each formed a similar energy form but in their own nature, most of them white and not dark.

My Genso-cat which has been with me also formed the dark lead-rubber energy form.

A line from Terry Pratchett came to mind (paraphrasing): A witch gains her power by fulfilling a journey and passing a trial, then she spends the rest of her life trying to understand how she did it.