>>8205
I too had several illnesses come out in the past 2 weeks that tormented me a lot in the far past but with my psychic powers I could always heal them easily. The task was to NOT heal them with my old psychic systems. I realized I had an old energetic immune system that considers new structures added to my being as as "attack" and while the construct is supposed to be dissolved by my own gentle energies my other impatient energies just go ahead and try to rip it apart asap. Had to learn restraint and how to not have the constant impulse to hurt or destroy anything that causes a minor inconvenience.

The worst part? I cannot even "overwrite" the system because that would "mean" that it is not (part of) "me". I had to understand how it connects to me no matter what for the sole purpose of finding out if it truly belongs to me or it is an outsider assistant force that was simply within so long it can be considered "me" and to figure out if it's acting up because of a past habit that I forgot or it is getting uncomfortable how my rising energies are driving it out and it's panicking.

It's hard because i have to allow my feminine forces and I must completely think and act from the perception of my "truest" female form. And my "male" part has to accept that I am "worthy caring for" instead of being paranoid because he knows not why is he being helped when he didn't even "ask for it". I am a real piece of work sometimes.

Not to mention I have "demons" that HAD to infiltrate my mind because I awakened several abilities but unable to use them and they need to be there to show me the ropes but I must allow myself to receive a calm and stable mental state and it must not just come from my very own internal pressure but the outsider forces also need to be "ready" and once everything is ready I can finally understand my own potential and let it merge. But for that I have to accept all my faults that I reverse engineered into situational strengths.
I remember when the Spiderqueen tried to overtake my energies so I can be initiated into her "guidance" and when I was bothered by it she just replied
>Yes yes you are a "typical male" and you are bothered when suddenly you are overtaken by a stronger female
When she said that I noticed just how much work she is putting into connecting my meridians so I calmed down with a "guess she knows what is she doing then" but when she noticed that I am already in a "guidance system" and "taking me" has "consequences" she changed her entire approach towards me.
Ever since that I am understanding more and more why she called me a "typical male". Was not sure if it was an insult or a praise but it was more of an appraisal.