To face the darkness within us. To be a man adrift in the ocean of despair in the modern world is to lost upon the tides of untold misery. What often ails us is not always from without but rather from within as well. Every soul born into this epoch, regardless of any conscious decision, has supped on the poisons offered by the semite and their "taste makers" or forced into situations they should never of been in. It is a time of abundance of the worst facets imaginable, ever degenerating pornography, over reliance of drugs, escape via the means of entertainment, indulging in hedonistic gluttony of both the food and carnal variety, the vast array of proffered goods is staggering. The merchant smiles at you as it hands you them, asking merely a pittance for some or not a single coin for others, more than willing to grant unto us his "bounty", his "generosity" seemingly magnanimous for it sells death in a multitude of forms. What I speak of now is not just for those men who fight to overcome these degenerative "gifts" and sometimes fail and thusly falling into deeper despair but also those that have dispelled their own illusions within the grand scheme of their lives and feel overwhelmed with the reality facing us and struggle to find the Will to fight and finally it is for those who through personal failings or by grim happenstance of fate suffer a life most dire. I speak of depression and it's cousin shame in this time of turmoil.

These dark emotions, these howling cries within us, the weight of them pressing down on our souls is almost indescribable. It often manifests not as a sadness per se but as a deep malaise that makes the world hollow and fill us to the brim with grey shiftless thought as we struggle to function in this vile world. Then, in a private moment when he believes himself alone a man may break down and weep, his torment breaking him for a brief instant as he falls to his knees unable to contain it any longer. He will cry out and no one will hear, the depths of his pain, his shame, his suffering and sorrow pulling him deeper into shadow. Moments later, when the maelstrom of stifling emotion has passed he will wipe his tears, lift himself back to his feet with what little strength remains, adjust his collar and make himself presentable and continue on as if nothing had happened. Oh, the act of normality may be convincing to himself and the world beyond yet deep within him the pain coils around his soul like a serpent, constricting the life from him as he operates to his best abilities in an attempt to disguise it, the misery burrowing deeper into him the longer he tries to ignore it. Such feelings, such raw pain and misery leads a Man to not merely have dark thoughts but to actively wish to die as he spirals ever further. It is a dark feeling, a feeling everyone at one point or another shall feel. Something will stay his hand for a time, some glimmer deep within him that holds against the darkness and tries to lighten his soul but the truth is such a gentle light can not last forever against the unfathomable depths of the human soul for that soul is drowning, drowning in the poison that fill it. When it comes to these feelings, these self destructive urges that rise from the misery, they exist for a reason. Something *does* need to die but not the one suffering but the part of him that inflicts that horrifying feeling. There is a dark irony in those souls who suffer such feelings in that they often recognise the problem yet the issue may seem insurmountable for they see themselves as weak. Whether it seem small or grand in scale, these dark thoughts stem from that sense of failure or lack of control over a particular aspect of our lives. All the mind knows is shadow and no true tomorrow, only the misery and despair of the now.