>>10456
>comments welcome
>She dove into the crowd belly first, like it was a planned moshpit event.
>Of all things, the jennet next to her, a nondescript gray and no horn to show for this, '''was casting ponykinesis as if she were a great
unicorn mage.'''
Just from my skim through, I like your word flown and descriptiveness. I find it has personality and... as I have said in the past...
>A sad, wan smile crept over the detective’s face. ”Yes, I know it must seem like that. So, since some of you I know, and the rest I’ll guess about, let me tell you an utmost secret that can’t leave this little enclave. The celestial government itself is fighting some sort of terrorism in this town and the ruffled feathers, literal feathers in this case, need to think they’re being ignored. So I’m
told. So, earthquake. That’s the official answer, alright? And as to the, hmm, homeless did yousay? An interesting word, to be sure. These two have fought them personally.” He indicated the donkey and unicorn. Turning to them he answered the jennet’s question. ”Shane is a bit of a complication. We’re not sure if he’s of age actually dragons being so uncommon. But he wasobstructing justice with threats of violence just the same. He’s to be on a train in a few days,
when there is one, to Canterlot. I guess the princess herself will question him and decide his fate.
Sufficiently detailed to my liking with lots of little word building and extra descriptiveness. I think perhaps I focus too much on these technical details but they sometimes make or break stories for me. Characters have their own voices and personalities.

I might dig deeper in analysis or a semi review of sorts but for now, if I have any question it is this:
How strongly are these characters based off the old players portrayals /intentions of your old failed DnD group?