>>5898
now, the strongest aspect (without commenting about the lore) that one could get attached to these characters is when the descriptions start to display that ponification process and it could have more extended in order to flesh a little bit more the psychological part of Fred and also physical changes. Bridgefag has pointed out both physical and mental aspects so i am going to point out why this could have had more development.

>The books seemed to imply the horn was a fifth (seventh, for Fred) limb, and a pony just learned to use it like a baby learned to walk (again)."Maybe there's a whole village over there of disillusioned or untriggered HLF agents,Carlos. I'll help you look."Carlos nodded. And smiled.
and then you jump straight to the next situation with:
>Later, during the pre-dawn light, the pair were grazing.
introducing the conversation with the officers all of a sudden when you could have exploited a few more lines between Carlos and Fred. However, I could understand that you could aim for a detective novel and follow that narrative but at the cost of sacrificing certain details from the characters. I point this out because what could be considered as filler in terms of events, it could also add up more warmth towards these two.

I also highlight this because you actually capable of exploiting them and digging deeper into their personal matters:
>He couldn't yet figure out if he himself had changed; maybe it would reveal itself incoming days. Or maybe he was too close to notice, and would never know. Perhaps,thought Fred briefly, that would be okay.
>He had no illusions to a flight skill
>But now that he could breathe freely, move freely ... it was clear he was some derivation of pony, now.
it´s kind of frustrating that despite showing clear signs of potential depth at exploring the changes, you don´t go that deep and this transition could have had more impact.

If you wanted a reaction of harsh criticism towards anything is that this clip could have added more strength to the ponification part.No complaints about the chemistry between both friends or anything else for this clip really just that you skipped a potential moment that could have offered more charm.

In terms of lore, I still have a bare idea of it despite reading the premise of the whole setting so I am not going to enter in that territory.