>>8218
Not that anon, but if I was to offer my two bits.

You have two paths with the fic. As a personal pleasure fic, I am rather unsuited to judge. I can only say some parts hurt to read but I am very squeamish when it comes to such things and I found Jack rather distasteful at points, though my memory is a little shabby.

>Is it salvagable? If I start over what worked well?
The mystery around it. Dolores's time in the book could be a nice to elaborate more on (from what I recall). Have more strategizing and show more of the plans failing/succeeding over just the snap shots which you may have, again, I didn't get as far in as the other anon here.

I think, if you toned down the sexual stuff at least some, you could turn it into a interesting comedy or drama. You have a lot of concepts to work with. Many of which would be suitable plotlines for fics in their own right (Like Dolores spending time in her book or whatever gazing into the future.)

>Then when he moves on to the next host, he sees the ponies as fully equal to himself, not "talking horses that keep trying to kill him"
Though I have never read this fic, I have seen people mention it a lot. That ending sounds like it could turn into a lighter version of this:
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/217108/not-the-hero