What is wrong with me??
I am fucked up mentally. Ever since my birth I've been the most fearful guy in the room .I flinch easily, even things others don't even think about scare me. I've got terrible anxiety,and cannot connect well with anyone, I have an inferiority complex and cannot see others succeed , internally I hate everyone and wish their failure .I am clumsy af and have no mind body coordination, slow as fuck.I cannot even bond with my family well ,I stay away from them but don't even feel like calling them I do so only dutifully just for the sake of it , but still I get intense negative thoughts of losing them especially at night . I am a history and politics nerd and kinda have a very very good long term memory , which in turn also makes me remember negative stuff from years ago. I am in college but get anxious in the classroom . I have had this low gaze since childhood, I am always thinking about something and how hard I try my eyelids are always low , cannot make eye contact with people , and feel awkward in every sentence I speak. I am afraid of women and haven't had any female friends or even had an in person conversation with them for effectively my entire life. I don't even have any preferences, I will do whatever others say to me , I have no say in things , no decisions to make . Everything is fine to me , don't even form political opinions, I've too much info on both sides , that I just state facts but have no opinion. I am an atheist and have no purpose in life . This may sound like a rant but I am rotting away…idk if anyone would even read this. I have mentally accepted, that I will die a slow lonely death and be a laughing stock for everyone