/keg/ - Back to the past

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Back to the past Garrett ##eaj5Bm

04/30/2026 (Thu) 07:54 [Preview] No. 56

Recently, I accidentally shared archives of my 8chan and 9chan boards with someone and skimming through them, I realized I never shared about my history, just my day-to-day.
And I’d like to intellectualizing what I’m doing here for a minute first.
I think that in order to be an entertainer you need to have a huge degree of shamelessness and a healthy LACK of self-awareness, and a healthy degree of self-obsession.
And secondly, these are precisely the kinds of posts I’m interested in seeing from others, provided they’re interesting and strange enough and not some instagram normalfaggot. You know, AVGN, or Nostalgia Critic if you prefer, never would have done anything if they weren’t shameless and self-obsessed. I can’t make an autobiographical film like AVGN has done, but I can at least type.

This is not for you to feel sorry for me or me making excuses for myself or something, just an answer to the question “what kind of guy makes a blog on fucking endchan talking to himself?” and “what kind of guy makes imaginary friends of baby cartoon characters?”, and it’s exactly something I’d wanna read if it were someone else sharing it.
So let’s begin.

Garrett ##eaj5Bm

04/30/2026 (Thu) 07:57 [Preview] No.57 del

I was born in Oregon but it was such a short time it didn’t really “count”. I moved to California immediately and my childhood here was very normal, considering. I do have some strange memories of my parents fighting but they were very good about hiding it from me. My mom gave my dad this rule that he wasn’t ever allowed to drink at the house, and he for some reason followed this rule my entire life. I had no sense of my parents being bad at this time.
The only notable moments I remember is my dad getting tickets to see The Phantom Menace at this mega theater on its release day. I hadn’t seen the original trilogy and he didn’t explain any of it to me. This was very characteristic of my father and would happen often later in life.
I also have a memory of almost drowning in a hot tub at one of my mom’s friend’s house who was a firefighter. I’ve almost died from drowning several times as a child. Maybe it’s why I’m retarded now.
My mom was having an emotional affair with an LDS guy named Corey and my dad knew about it and didn’t really care, because my dad thought he was gay instead of a mormon.
Another memory from California is the time my dad won $30,000 at a casino and refurnished the house and got this crazy $8,000 TV we kept for 20 years.

Garrett ##eaj5Bm

04/30/2026 (Thu) 08:00 [Preview] No.58 del

When I was 5, we moved to Colorado, and this was immediately where things took a sharp decline. I don’t think my dad wanted any kids at all and my mom was pregnant with second child.
My brother was born with liver failure and all sorts of problems and my dad immediately disliked him. And with my brother’s medical issues, both of our whole extended family often came by to offer support. Or to just stir the pot or whatever I guess lol. When in California, I had hardly ever seen either side of the family and didn’t know their history together or anything. They all despised each other and despised my father unanimously, like his own mom hates him and would degrade him in front of our other relatives, and my father was molested as a child and she didn’t give much of a fuck or believe in mental illness or trauma or anything, I mean whatever. Highlight is: all 10-20 or however many of these people were all deeply mentally unwell, and they were all in my house fighting over my newly born retarded brother in his syndromey UV light crib, and IV tubes retard equipment.
I think this combination of events made my dad become more of an unashamed alcoholic and he started hitting his copes harder. My mom would show me bank statements showing he’s spent $5,000 at a casino in a single night. My mom’s retaliatory actions to this would be to go spend $5,000 herself, which was fine with me cause she usually bought me cool shit, too. She got addicted to shopping. I remember one big purchase being after my dad had blown this whole bonus on a casino and booze, she bought herself a Land Rover from the dealership and it was a pretty sick dealership with a kid’s room. The car had problems, which meant I got to spend dozens of hours at that dealership playing their consoles and watching stuff on VHS, and drinking stuff from their complimentary snack room.

Garrett ##eaj5Bm

04/30/2026 (Thu) 08:04 [Preview] No.59 del

Going forward with the story, just assume my dad is beating the shit out of me at least once a month. It was always either for no reason or because of a mistake, so it’s not worth going into detail over. Whatever story about my childhood between ages 5-14, assume it’s accompanied by my dad beating the shit out of me. Here’s a few examples: I spilled a bowl of Cookie Crisps on the laminate once and he punched me in the face. We had an electric children’s car you could drive with a large cable connecting the battery, and one time I struggled plugging it into the battery and my dad thought I was a pussy and punched me in the face. Probably the most brutal two was when I had spilled bedding for my gerbil cage onto the floor and he kicked me in the head with his boot several times while I was on the floor cleaning it, and he choked me unconscious on my bed once.
Well I can go into small detail on that one cause it gives a good look into what it was like living with my dad. My mom had to go run an errand with my brother and I told her I’ll stay home because I was playing Resident Evil 4. She warned me my dad could come home and begged me to go, but I thought it’d be fine because he usually wasn’t home until 6 PM. Well, he ended up getting home just 5 minutes after she had left and he initiated an argument with me about how he had given me $5 to go to the dollar theater with my friend two weeks ago. He asked me for the money back and I said I spent it at the dollar theater like I said I had. He started pacing cursing under his breath about how he gives me everything and I responded “you never give me anything though” and he sprinted in and started choking me. That sounds like a strange thing for me to say after having just typed about living in a mansion in the previous post. Well, you’ll see.

Garrett ##eaj5Bm

04/30/2026 (Thu) 08:07 [Preview] No.60 del

We were living in an extremely wealthy suburb with only 1 other child in the neighborhood whose name was Grant, and he was one of those kids with elderly parents both in their 50s+, so he statistically should’ve been born with Down’s Syndrome or something, but instead he was just an extreme sperg. I despised him but he was kind of the only kid I had ever met so I didn’t have a baseline of what a good relationship should look like. He was obsessed with Jurassic Park cause that guy’s name was Grant too, right, and would watch the trilogy almost daily, and had the Dragons megablocks sets. I was really lonely but that kid was such a faggot I’d often just play by myself anyway. I one time bought this chrome BMX helmet and I’ve been obsessed with chrome my whole life, and when I show it to that kid, he grabs it and throws it in rocks to fuck it up. I don’t think he was even being malicious, he was just a low impulse creepy sperg.
He got to start school earlier than me and I was really jealous and watched him go to school from the window and I began to hate him.

When I finally began school myself, it went really well. My mom taught me the basics of reading and writing, so I was ahead of the class, and I really liked school immediately in all ways.
I don’t understand why at all, especially because I was 5, but my kindergarten teacher recommended I get held back and my mom agreed. I was not otherwise ever put in special ed later in life, and kindergarten didn’t have any exams or grades, so I don’t really know why I was held back. This would be helpful later when things got more autistic, though.

Garrett ##eaj5Bm

04/30/2026 (Thu) 09:36 [Preview] No.61 del

I began to hate my mom around that time, too. She had to get a job because her and my dad were partners in being retarded with money. She was so retarded with money in fact, that she did this while still maintaining a joint bank account with my dad. So on her first payday, he spent her whole paycheck at the casino. And she still didn’t open a new bank account to detach herself from his finances. I knew even as a 5 year old this was retarded.

Anyway, I spent a lot of time at Primrose daycare before and after school and was hardly ever home. I remember the daycare being mostly stimulation deprivation torture. There was absolutely nothing to do there. They played Disney's Hercules once and I thought it was the biggest piece of shit ever. A Chinese woman who worked 2 jobs, at Walmart and at a Chinese restaurant, that me and my mom saw often because we went to both places often, had gifted me a bunch of Crazy Bones and I remember spending most of my time at the daycare just staring at them. All the kids there were strangely asocial and there were huge age gaps so some of the kids at the daycare were more like grown ass men, like there was a Mexican dude there that I'm pretty sure was a senior in high school.
Because of this arrangement I was never able to hang out with kids after school. Another accompanying feature of this was that often in my life all of my friend's parents were divorced and lived far apart from each other, so I'd ask kids if they want to hang out and they'd say "I can't I'm going to my dad's house this week".
An uncle from my mom's side gifted me Roller Coaster Tycoon and an older kid on the schoolbus told me about the flash game website e-zone and got me addicted to the computer around this age.

But the more egregious reasoning behind beginning to hate my mom was that her job required her to travel often so it'd be my dad waking me up and driving me to and from the daycare. And my mom knew full well he was a complete psychopath but left me with him anyway. I would cry and beg her not to go and she would go anyway. On her very first day away, my dad was trying to crate our dog and the dog naturally hated being crated and was running away, like it'd do every morning. I caught the dog and presented her to my dad and he punched her out of my arms at the top of the staircase and she twisted and flailed screaming down the stairs.

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