Anonymous
04/13/2026 (Mon) 12:51
[Preview]
No.76744
del

one thing i notice i am still very bad at is to leave room recreation. i don't even know how to do this anymore. i guess i am a special case because i can just make myself feel good whenever i want with meditation and to a degree i realize that me having played so many hours of video games is more of an addiction then a recreation. often i don't find a video game i really want to play and just playing something without being excited about it is boring. still sometimes i just like to play an evening of video games but at this age i can tell this is me fleeing into a happy place that isn't real. taking a break from reality.
i can't point my finger at it but it have this background feeling of overlooking something obvious or forgetting something. hopefully i can find it. usually when i felt this, this was my body reminding me to shift back into a higher mode of meditation where i am just effortlessly happy and at peace. when i meditate regularly enough i can switch on this other mode of being, a different nervous system configuration or maybe think of it as using different brainwaves, if you felt it for the first time, life would feel like a bright anime to you where (whether you want to or not) you become the main character wherever you go (usually you don't want to, trust me it is awful being popular and "getting attention", truly a curse).
i guess trying to be informed, watching all these news channels and keep being reminded how everything is getting worse and the governments despite all their prior posturing still mostly believe war and genocide is ok is just depressing. i had no idea how dumb, irresponsible and undecmorcratic the modern governments are. they are just puppets of the evil rich warmongers. this is depressing i guess. i can't change it though. i have never been asked whether i agree with my taxmoney being used to help create war and genocide. they don't ask me for shit, i am an adult but they treat me like a dumb child and shut me up and intimidate until i am so demoralized that they can just murder whoever they want without my complaining is the idea behind it i guess.
anyways i have to go for a run before it turns too late because when i run when it gets laid, i get so hyped that i can't sleep and then i oversleep and can't do shit on the next day.